A Ding from Down Under/Script
man is talking on the pay phones as Jude skates by. When he finishes his conversation, he walks away from the phones, and Jude comes back. Jude: "C'mon, pay phones. Big money. Big money." checks the phones. The third one has a quarter in its deposit base. "Free scratch! Sweet!" phone rings. Jude looks around and then picks up. Jude: "Hello?" Callie: "Hello. Could I speak to Jara?" Jude: to the mall "Is anyone here named Jara? Jara?" to the call "Nope, not here." girl bursts into tears. "I–uh–wait! Don't cry!" yelling "JJAAAAARRRRRRRAAAAAAA!!!" yell echoes about the mall but gets no response. Jude: "I–uh–why are you so upset?" Callie: "I'm sorry. It wasn't anything you said." Jude: "Good, 'cause all I said was Jara, and you said that first." Callie: chuckling "Yeh. I did. Well, I should let you go." Jude: "I don't have any plans. Wanna talk?" ---- The opening credits roll. The title of this episode is '''A Ding from Down Under'' ---- is working at the Penalty Box. Jen: over a customer's bags "Have a good day!" paintballs fly by her, and she gasps. She turns around and is hit. "Ow!" laughs. Coach Halder: "Ha ha ha! Yeah!" ---- Caitlin, Jen and Jonesy are sitting around the table. Nikki: "So what's with the paint?" Jen: "Remember Coach Halder's psycho son Cory? Well he and his dad are in training for some paintball war games thing, and using me for target practice!" Jonesy: "That's killer! Paintball wars are awesome!" Jen: unenthused "Yeah. Really cool." Caitlin: "Are they allowed to do that?" Jen: "No, but they own the store! When I told them to cut it out, Coach Halder gave me a penalty for being such a 'girly girl'. Ugh! I hate that guy!" sighs. "Well my break's over. Back to the front lines." Nikki: Jen leaves "Go get 'em, soldier!" Wyatt: up to his friends "Hey." has a giant wet spot on his sweater. Nikki: "Hey. Is it stain day today?" Wyatt: "This has officially been the worst day of my life." Jonesy: "Let me guess. You failed an exam." Wyatt: "No." Nikki: "Your old bed-wetting problem come back?" Caitlin: "Oh, you do that?" Wyatt: "No!" Jonesy: "Finally realized that the responsible guy never gets the girl?" Wyatt: "No. Wait, they don't?" Caitlin: "C'mon, Wyatt. It can't be that bad." Wyatt: "Wanna bet? First, I slept in. So I was rushing to get ready, and I stepped on my guitar and broke it." Caitlin: "Ouch." Nikki: "Whoa." Jonesy: "Dang." Wyatt: "Then I run outside to grab my bike–to find that I left the garage door open last night and my bike's gone." Caitlin: "Oops!" Nikki: "Wow, that's bad." Jonesy: "Dang." Wyatt: "I finally get here, grab a coffee and run to Underground, where I trip and my very-much-needed coffee goes flying out of my hand." Caitlin: "Oh." Nikki: "Ouch." Jonesy: "Dang." Nikki: "Okay, that's enough with the dang there, Tex!" Wyatt: "Wait, it gets better. I didn't just drop my coffee..." flashes back. He sees himself stubbing his toe on a cardboard box and tripping. The coffee goes flying. Memory Wyatt: slow motion "Noooooooooooooo–" coffee splats down all over one of Wayne's movies. Nikki: "Oh no." Jonesy: "You did what?" Caitlin: "Is that bad?" Jonesy: "Samurai Space Warriors is the first movie to ever take place in space! It was a first-run collectors edition! They don't make it on VHS anymore!" Wyatt: "And it was at that point that Wayne fired me." Nikki: "Do you think he might forgive you when he cools down?" remembers Wayne's last words to him. Memory Wayne: "This movie meant more to me than your life!" Wyatt: "I somehow doubt it." Jonesy: "Whoop-de-doo! You got axed from a job!" Wyatt: "Two in a row, actually. That won't look good on a resume." Jonesy: "Please! It's great for the resume!" Nikki: "Oh, do enlighten us. This sounds interesting." Jonesy: "Look at Nikki, for example. One job. That's her resume. Nikki Wong, Khaki Barn, end of story." Nikki: "Wow. Never thought of it that way. Is that how people think of me?" laughs. "What are you laughing at? You're Caitlin Cooke, Lemonhead." looks up at her embarrassing hat and sighs. Jonesy: "To Nikki's next employer, her only skill will be folding sweaters. When someone looks at my resume and sees all the places I've worked, they see that I can do everything." Nikki: "Okay, that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. I can do more than fold sweaters." Jonesy: "Can you?" eyes bulge as she considers that Jonesy could be right. Caitlin: "You'll find a job, Wyatt. You're smart, hardworking, and you're friendly. What's not to like?" Wyatt: up, depressed "Thanks, guys. Wish me luck." Caitlin: "Luck!" leaves to search for new employment. ---- is hanging out by the public phones, talking to Callie. Callie: "I've been surfing since I was six. It's not that different from skateboarding, it's just on water." Jude: "That is so cool!" Callie: "When you come to Australia, I'll take you on my own board. There's a little piece missing out of it where I got bit by a shark. Just missed my ankle, too." Jude: excited "Surfing shark-fighting girl from Australia, you're awesome!" Callie: giggling "Thanks Jude." Jude: "I heard that in Australia, when they flush the toilet, the water spins counterclockwise. Did you know that?" Callie: "Uh, yeh, I live here?" Jude: "Okay. So, Jara was your boyfriend?" Callie: "Yeh. His family moved to Canada last week, so we broke up. I had his new number on a piece of paper, but it went through the wash so I can't really make it out." Jude: "Bummer. You sound pretty cool. If you lived here, I wouldn't move away from you." Callie: "Thanks Jude. You sound cool too." ---- is carrying a box of tennis balls through the Penalty Box when she gets shot in the back several times and falls. Coach Halder: "Bang on! Good aim, Cory! Halders rule!" bump chests. "Masterson, clean up this mess and stop lying down on the job." Jen: "Oh, brother." gets up as the Halders leave. Coach Halder: "You see what I did there? I said 'stop lying down on the job' because she was lying down." Cory: "Good one, Dad!" Jen: "This is going to be a really long week." ---- skates up to the Big Squeeze. Jude: "Dudes, dudettes." Caitlin: "Hi! Where have you been hiding?" Jude: "Hanging out with my new girlfriend." Caitlin: "What?!?" Jonesy: "Good man!" Nikki: "That was fast. Well who is she?" Caitlin: "Where did you meet her?" Jude: "Her name's Callie." Jonesy: "Is she a hottie?" Caitlin: "Can we meet her?" Jude: "Definitely. Follow me." skates away. ---- is at a burger shop, interviewing for a new job. Tim: "Okay Wyatt, I'm Tim." Wyatt: "Hi Tim!" Tim: "Did I tell you that you could call me Tim?" Wyatt: confused "Well that was how you introduced yours–" Tim: "You can call me sir. Wyatt, there are three ways to do things here: the right way, the wrong way, and my way." Wyatt: "Is your way the right way?" Tim: "Absolutely." Wyatt: "So wouldn't there just be two ways to do things then?" Tim: up "Oh, I'm sorry. Are you interviewing me today? Because I thought I was interviewing you." to the kitchen "I don't hear any singing!" Employees: "My burger lies over the ocean/My burger lies over the sea/And if I could send you my burger/How yummy and tasty it'd be!" employees continue the refrain. "My burger lies over the ocean..." Tim: "Do you like music, Wyatt?" Wyatt: his confidence "Actually I sing, play guitar, and write my own songs." Tim: "Are you going to answer my question or just waste my time?" Wyatt: up "I like music." Tim: "Good. Some people say it's silly to sing for the customers. Do you think it's silly to sing for the customers." Wyatt: of how to answer "Uh...no?" Tim: "I do. I think it's silly. That's why we don't sing for them." Wyatt: confused "You don't." Tim: "No. We don't. We sing for the meat. You talk to a houseplant and it grows faster–fact! If you sing to meat, it tastes better, also fact." Wyatt a huge book "This is the Burger Bible, it has all of our songs in it. Learn them." to the kitchen "Let's get that singing 8% louder, people!" Employees: louder "My burger lies over the ocean..." refrain goes on and on and on. Tim: Wyatt "You start tomorrow." Wyatt: "Thank you! I think." Employees: "...and if I could send you my burger..." ---- is waiting by the public phones. With him are Jonesy, Caitlin, and Nikki. Nikki: "I thought we were going to meet your girlfriend." Jude: "She could call any minute." Nikki: "Call from where?" Jude: "Australia." Jonesy: "Whoa! Back up a minute, dude. You don't even know what this girl looks like?" Jude: "No. She dialed the wrong number and we started hanging out." Jonesy: "On the phone?!? Dude, she could be a dog! Or a dingo!" Jude: "No way, bro. She told me what she looks like. Sounds like she looks like Caitlin." Caitlin: "Oh. She sounds pretty. I like her." Jonesy: "She could be lying?" Caitlin: "Well I think it's romantic." Jonesy: "I think it's nuts. How are you supposed to score with a girl halfway around the world?" Nikki: disgusted "Jonesy, you know you really are a pig sometimes." Caitlin: "Wait. I thought pay phones aren't supposed to accept incoming calls." Jude: "Guess this one's busted." Nikki: "When someone realizes it's broken, won't they get it fixed?" Jude: shocked "They would do that?" Caitlin: "Don't draw unnecessary attention to the phone, and it'll be fine." Jude: the phone "Don't worry phone, I'll protect you." ---- in the gang but Jude is around the table. Wyatt: "Guess what? I just got hooked up with a job at Burger McFlipster's." Caitlin: "The place where they sing about their burgers?" Jonesy: "No way!" bursts into laughter. "I feel sorry for you, man. We always make fun of those poor suckers. And now you're one of them!" Wyatt: "It was the only place that would hire me, and I need the money to fix my guitar!" Jen: "At least no one will shoot paintballs at you there!" Nikki: "Yeah, and it'll make a great story when you're famous." Wyatt: "Thanks. Well, I'm off to work." Jonesy: and dancing "I love burgers yes I do! I love burgers how 'bout you?" groans and moves off. ---- work, Wyatt is serving Kristen and Kirsten. Wyatt: singing "Have you ever seen a burger on a yummy yummy bun?/I'll serve it up with fries and we'll have a little fun/Put your hands in your pockets and your pockets in your pants/And all of the staff will do the Combo Dance." Wyatt, Kristen, and Kirsten: "La la la la la la la la! La la la la la la la la!" Wyatt: "Put your hands in your pockets and your pockets in your pants/And all of the staff will doooooooooooooooooo...the Burger Combo Dance!" and Kirsten squeal, delighted. Kristen and Kirsten: "Yay!" Kirsten: "Okay, he's new here, and so cute! Usually I find those songs totally annoying." Kristen: "Oh, totally!" two girls suddenly look at each other oddly before grabbing their food, grinning awkwardly, and leaving. Tim: "I don't recall that song being in the Burger Bible." Wyatt: "Well–no–it isn't. I just kinda made it up." Tim: "You've got a brain, Wyatt. I like that in a person. Keep it up." smiles. ---- the Penalty Box, Jen is showing golf gear to a customer. Jen: "It's the lightest driver we have." Coach Halder: "Cover me!" ducks, and a paintball flies by, splatting onto the chest of the customer. Penalty Box Customer: "Oh! Ow!" Jen: "You missed me–" gets shot. "Ow!" Coach Halder: "Halders rule!" ---- Goldstein is on the phone. Stuart's Wife: "Stuart, if you don't get me my milk, we're through!" Stuart Goldstein: worried "Ooh, oh boy." is quivering on the floor. Stuart's Wife: "Now I want you to get me my milk!" Stuart Goldstein: "Okay. I should go." leaps up, happy. Stuart's Wife: "That's right, you should go, you little–" Stuart Goldstein: "Before I do–" slumps. "–should I get the milk in the carton or in the bag?" ---- Wyatt: at work "The burgers here are mighty fine, the shakes are really sweet/The best part about working here are the pretty girls I meet." girls in line cheer him. Jonesy comes in and gapes at the sight of Wyatt being cheered by many girls. ---- Jonesy is at the Big Squeeze, describing the scene to his friends. Jonesy: "Girls were all over him. He was like a rock-n-roll meat poet!" skates up and rams into the lemon. He lies bent over on it. Caitlin: worried "Are you okay?" Jude: "Whoa, must've nodded off on the wheels." Nikki: "You look awful!" Jude: "Had to be here when the mall opened at six for cleaning this morning. I didn't want to miss Callie in case she tried to call again." Caitlin: "It must be hard to always have to talk on a pay phone. Why don't you call her on your cell?" Jude: "Call Australia, are you crazy? Australia is like, at least, five hours away!" Caitlin: "Yeah, that would cost a lot." Jude: "Gotta run. Later dudes." skates away, and Wyatt walks up. Wyatt: "Well, you are officially looking at the new assistant manager of Burger McFlipster's." Caitlin: "Wow! That was fast." Wyatt: "Tim says that sales go up 23.6% when I'm working." Jonesy: "Wyatt, I'm really proud of you." Wyatt: waiting "But?" Jonesy: "No buts, just proud." Wyatt: "Uh, thanks, Jonesy." Jonesy: "Not only do I respect you, Wyatt, but I think Burger McFlipster's is a fine establishment." Nikki: "Okay, what's with the mind games?" Jonesy: "What? I'm just supporting my friends." Caitlin: "Stop it, Jonesy! You're freaking me out." Wyatt: "Yeah, I thought you hated McFlipster's." Jonesy: "Never! I love that place. Oh hey, just wondering, for argument's sake, as assistant manager do you have a say in the hiring of staff?" Wyatt: "Oh, I get it." Nikki: "Don't do it, Wyatt." Caitlin: "Be strong. Don't look in his eyes." eyes slide to Jonesy's, and he gasps. Jonesy is giving off a puppy dog look. Nikki: "Too late." Wyatt: "I...guess I could ask." Jonesy: "Thanks, boss! I won't let you down." Wyatt: "Why do I get the feeling I'm going to regret this?" ---- sales counter at the Penalty Box is splattered with paint. Jen: the counter as a barrier "I can't handle another five days of this, Coach Halder!" Coach Halder: "Get in the fight or get off the field, Masterson!" ---- first job is to mop the floors of Burger McFlipster's. Jonesy: "What gives with the Joe job, dude?" Tim: "First off, I am not your dude. I am sir." Jonesy: "Okay, sir. I think my talents would be better served dealing with the hottie–uh–customers directly." Tim: "If you got a job at the airport, they wouldn't let you fly a plane on your first day, would they?" Jonesy: "They would if I was a pilot." Tim: "Are you a pilot, Jonesy?" looks from side to side to see if he's being pranked and then starts mopping. Tim leaves, and Jonesy notices some female customers. Jonesy: "Hello, ladie–whoa!" slips and falls over. "Ow!" girls laugh, but stop when they see Wyatt. Kirsten: "Oh look, there he is! It's Wyatt!" Chrissy: "Take my phone number!" a herd, the girls migrate towards Wyatt. ---- is setting up a tent by the public phones. Nikki walks up. Nikki: "Dare I ask?" Jude: "I need a place to chill while I guard the phone. I never really know when she's gonna call." Nikki: "Uh, I think Ron the Rent-a-Cop might notice a tent set up in the mall." Jude: a roll of caution tape "That's what the tape is for." ---- is 10:05 and Jude is snoring away. The phone rings, and he wakes up slightly. Jude: groggy "Somebody get the door." up "Callie! Wait! Wait!" fights his way out of his tent and picks up the phone. "Hello? Callie?" Callie: "Jude? Boy, have I missed you!" Jude: yawning "I've missed you too!" Callie: "I just took my first driving class–" falls asleep. "–I should have been studying this week for my math test–Jude? Are you listening?" Jude: yawning "Yes, Mom." Callie: offended "Mum? I wait all day to talk to you and you can't even pay attention? I'm hanging up the phone now." Jude: "Huh? Oh, no! I mean, I was–" Callie: "Forget it! You obviously aren't in the mood to talk. Call you back when you're actually listening." Jude: "No, Callie, wait!" speaking to a dial tone. "NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" ---- and Wyatt are in Jude's tent, playing cards. Jonesy: "Seven of hearts?" Wyatt: "Ha ha ha ha! Last card...I win! Ha ha! Bloody knuckles or a date with taco Julie?" Jonesy: whimpering "I'll take the bloody knuckles." Wyatt: "Okay." gets hit hard. Jonesy: "GYAAA-HEEAA-HEEAA-HEEAA!!!" pained "Dude, you cheated." Jude: into the tent "Thanks for phonesitting, guys. I really needed that bathroom break." Wyatt: "This is a cool pad and all, Jude, but you've been here for two days now, and it's getting a little...um..." Jonesy: "Stinky." Wyatt: "Yeah." Jonesy: "You do realize that there are girls on this side of the planet to date?" Jude: "You don't get it. She's gorgeous, easy to talk to, and her accent is really cool." Wyatt: "Yeah...hang in there, bro. We better get back to work." and Jonesy leave the tent. Wyatt whispers once they're immediately outside. "He's gone squirrelly." Jonesy: "Oh, fully nuts." ---- Halder is looking for Jen. Thankfully, he's not armed with a gun. Coach Halder: "Masterson? Masterson?" peeps up from behind the counter. "Oh, there you are. Just wanted to let you know that Cory and I have finished our training. We just wanted to thank you, Masterson, not only were you a tough target but you were the best team player I know. If we win that trophy, I'll see to it that your name goes on it too." slowly gaining confidence in the truce, rises until she's standing. Jen: "Thank you Coach Halder. I hope you and Cory win that–" gets shot. "Aah!" Coach Halder: "Ha! Let your guard down there, Masterson! Nice shot, Cory! Now we're good!" Jen: with rage "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" ---- girls are once again cheering Wyatt. Wyatt: "Grill, grill, grill your burger/Gently on the flame/You know I'll make the best on Earth/'Cause Wyatt is my name." girls cheer. "Thank you, thank you ladies. You really are too kind." sees this and whimpers before mopping the floor furiously to take out his aggression. Tim: "Jonesy." holds up the Burger Bible. "Learn it. Tomorrow you start behind the grill." Jonesy: "Yes! Ladies, here I come." ---- and Nikki are playing cards in his tent. Jude: "Do you have any threes?" Nikki: "Okay. I'm gonna give it to you straight. This tent is gross. I'm sitting on a chicken wing! How much longer are you gonna wait for her call?" Jude: "As long as I have to." Nikki: leaving "Well, you're gonna go crazy in this tent all by yourself." Jude: "But I love her!" around the tent "I'm not–gonna go–crazy." ---- janitor sweeps up at night in the mall. Jude is still in his tent, but strange voices are coming from inside. Caitlin Puppet: "Look at me! I'm so pretty!" has indeed gone crazy, having made sock puppets to resemble his friends. Jen Puppet: "Hey Caitlin! Can I give you some advice? 'Cause I'm Jen, and I like to boss everyone around." Wyatt Puppet: "I could really use some coffee, bro." Jonesy Puppet: "I have no job! Buy me one too!" Nikki Puppet: "Broke again, huh Chonesy? What a surprise." Jen Puppet: "Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha!" ---- is sleeping in his tent. Suddenly, a hand reaches in and grabs him. Jude: "Huh? No!" Ron: "Alright, that's it. The mall's closed and you're going home." Jude: "But I have a girlfriend in Australia!" Ron: "Well, we're not in Australia, maggot. Now MOVE IT!" carries Jude away. ---- is about to start work at the sales counter. Wyatt: "Well, here come your first customers." Jonesy: horribly "Fries, shakes, condiments, Jonesy's on the scene!/Burgers and dogs, burgers and dogs! Excellent cuisine!" Kirsten: "Ew! I feel like barfing." Kristen: "Ew, I hate that." Kirsten: "Let's go to Wonder Taco!" Jonesy: off-key "Come again soon!" Wyatt: "Relax, bro!" Jonesy: "Not now. Here comes lucky contestant number 3!" goes over to Tara. "I'm grill, grilling for you! And I'm sure you'll like what I do!" Tara: "Ew. No. You're a greasy loser." leaves. Jonesy: to sing "Come back so-ooo-on!" Tim: "Wyatt, can I talk to you?" manager leads Wyatt away, and Jonesy's eyes bulge. He's seen the writing on the wall. ---- angrily storms into the restroom. She looks at herself in the mirror; her eyes are bloodshot and her work uniform stained with paint. She screams a banshee yell and proceeds to apply war paint and don a military helmet. Jen: "You called down the thunder..." a long pause, she resumes her train of thought. Jen: "Well you've got it!" ---- creeps around the Penalty Box, hiding behind barricades. Coach Halder doesn't notice. Coach Halder: a customer "Just take that up to the cash, sir. They'll look after you up there." explode into his gut. "Ooh, I've been hit! Medic! Medic!" ---- is waiting by the phones, desperately needing a bathroom break. Nikki walks up to him. Nikki: "Hey." Jude: "Finally, I texted you like five times!" Nikki: "I will watch this phone for two minutes, so you'd better move it." moves off to use the facilities. ---- walks through the Penalty Box, gun in one hand, walkie-talkie in the other. Coach Halder: the walkie-talkie "It's Masterson. She's snapped! Be on your toes. Stay sharp, Cory. Stay sharp." Jen: "AAAAAHHHH!" leaps out from behind the counter on rollerblades and skates forward. She shoots Cory down and continues on. When Cory gets up, he's taken from behind and falls again. Cory: "AAAAAH!" ---- phone rings. Nikki: "Jude!" can't hear her, as he is otherwise occupied. Nikki decides to pick up. Nikki: "Hello?" Callie: "Hello? Can I speak to Jude?" Nikki: "Oh hey! This is his friend Nikki. He, uh, he just stepped out." Callie: "Can you give him a message for me? My boyfriend Jara finally called and he hates it there and he's coming back to Aus! Isn't that great?" Nikki: down "Oh. Yeah. Don't you think you should tell Jude this yourself?" Callie: "Oh, he won't mind." looks down and is startled to see the puppets of the gang. "It's not like anything really could have happened between us. We're on opposite ends of the world! Do you think you could tell him bye for me?" Nikki: depressed "Oh. Sure thing." Callie: "Thanks. You're a mate." ---- now, for an original scene transition... Wyatt: across the screen singing "Have you ever seen a burger on a yummy yummy bun?" ---- and Wyatt are sitting in a booth. Wyatt: "Jonesy, I know you've heard it a hundred times, but Tim feels that maybe you aren't exactly–" Jonesy: "Wait. Wyatt. Can I try something I've always wanted to do?" Wyatt: "Um, okay." stands up and clears his throat. Jonesy: "I QUIT!" a beat "Wow, that felt good." Wyatt: chuckling "So are we cool?" Jonesy: "Totally. It wasn't my scene. You go get those burger-eatin' girls, Wyatt. You go get 'em." ---- comes back from his bathroom break to see Ron forcibly removing the phone. Jude: "No!" runs up to Ron. "Please? Please?" begging "You can't do this!" Ron: "There ain't nothin' in this world that's–" it out of the wall "–free, punk." walks away with the pay phone. Nikki: "Sorry, Jude. But I did get a chance to talk to her before they fi–" Jude: "Really? That's awesome! What'd she say? Does she miss me? I bet she does." Nikki: to come up with a lie "Uh–Callie got–um–accepted into the–Australian–astronaut program. She–sa-said to say goodbye, and that you really meant a lot to her." Jude: "Really? That's cool. Especially since she just got her driver's permit." Nikki: "Don't worry, Jude. You'll find your surfer girl. I know it." Jude: "Thanks, Nikki. Let me buy you a lemonade." two friends walk off to go get a lemon drink and hopefully meet up with some other friends. Category:Season 2